Monday - 3/7/06

I have been doing quite a lot of thinking.

These few days I have a little something going on with my friend. I dont want to use his real name so I'll just call him A.

Erms well..We talked on the phone a few times in this period of time. We were extremely close friends a few months ago, but something happened that kind of tore us apart. Well..He said I changed. And I figured..that was okay, because people change, its a matter of whether you change for the better.

Then I thought..Did I change for the worst?

I realised at different periods of time, I'm always focusing on only ONE thing. Like, family, friends or boyfriends. And right now, all I'm focusing on is God.

Belle told me a story, that illustrated that once you get right with God, you get right with the world. I thought that all you gotta focus on is God and everything will be alright. Because He never fails. But I forgot one thing. Although He never fails, we do.

God only guides us. He lets us walk our life journey physically alone, with the choice to have Him there spiritually or not.

I'm forgetting about everything else. I thought God was all that mattered in this world. But today..made me realise how wrong I was. I sabotaged my own relationships. I let my emotions lead my life for me. I let me lead my life for me.

Living right for God..I was doing it all wrong. I didnt care about other stuff like maintaining relationships. All I cared about was to give people the impression that I was a true follower of Jesus.

A said I only talked to him because of church. And that struck me. Did I only care about other's spiritual growth, and totally neglect their mental and emotional growth?

I got into a fight with A again, this afternoon. Sigh. I guess I'm not handling things too well, eh?..

I wanna say I'm sorry. But thats the hardest thing to do. I dont know how to do it. My pride and ego is bringing me down further every minute.

I must remember..That God put people on earth for a reason.